Reflective Essay

            I had always considered myself as static, unchanging. Since before I even entered high school, I had a good idea of who I was, what I liked, and what I ultimately wanted. I felt like I had a certain level of maturity, more so than that of most of my peers. I thought I had most of my life mapped out. That was until, I began thinking of college.

            College was a distant and abstract concept to me. I couldn’t possibly imagine leaving my home and going to somewhere completely new, where I knew no one and nobody knew me. In September of my senior year of high school, I realized I had no idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. Perhaps impulsively, I settled on studying computer science at Ithaca. Likely a coincidence, or to the praise of my ability of subconscious observation, Ithaca served as a perfect middle ground between what I wanted to study and pursue professionally (computer science), and my favorite pastime (making music). In that regard, I may have lucked out in going to Ithaca.

            I have always been a good student, and my grades were satisfactory throughout most of high school without much effort. However, by all accounts, I had been assured that college was exponentially more difficult. I wasn’t really sure what to anticipate as far as workload, and I was hesitant to pick ‘difficult’ classes before ever gauging my ability in a college-level class. I erred on the side of caution and only chose classes that I felt confident I’d be able to handle.

            The first semester of college was a liberating experience. I have never felt so independent and free in my life. Every day, every hour, every minute was my own time, and it was my choice how I could spend it. It was almost scary, actually.

            Academically, I think I have evolved in a very positive direction. I am much more conscientious about my grades, upcoming exams, and overall workload now than I ever was during high school. Before, I relied on my own wit and a lot of luck to guarantee good grades; it was much easier to ‘cheat’ the system. Maybe it is because I am too early in the college experience, but it appears as if there is no ‘easy’ way to get by in college. In order for one to succeed they must work hard and apply themselves, something I rarely did during high school. However, I am also much more motivated to learn. High school was mandatory, everyone went, and I received a very generalized education. College and specifically what college and where, was my choice. The things I learn now are the things that are really going to help me once I enter my career. I am learning the real base here, the base of which everything else will be later built upon.

            Ideologically, I think I am still very similar to how I was in high school, especially towards the end. I’ve always been a very open-minded person, waiting to understand the facts before forming an opinion. I also see no shame in changing an opinion as one grows older, wiser, and learns new information. From my understanding, many people come to these realizations in college, I guess I am just advanced in that regard. However, being in college gave me a glimpse of what it will be like once I am an autonomous adult: it will be wonderful. I can have free reign to choose the way I want to live my life. For the first time in a long time, I was comfortable.

            In the time since I left for college, things changed at home, some events coerced by my absence, and some due to the plain passage of time. Over the breaks, when I would be at my house, I realized that I felt less at home there than I did at school. I don’t think I’ve really changed much as a person, more so I’ve glimpsed what could be, and I’ve come to the understanding that I am a fundamentally different person than my parents. When I am on my own, I will live my life in stark contrast to how my parents choose to live, or at least to how they have lived for all of my memory. I am much closer to ‘actualization’ than ever before and it feels good.

The Thanksgiving Postmortem

It is hard to truly encapsulate what feels different using only words. In fact, it would be much simpler to describe the few things that felt similar; the list would be much shorter. Due to a certain course of events, the people at home and my relationships with them have all changed drastically in the past three months since I initially left for college. That, in conjunction with the fact that I have been  absent from the home for a few months, meant that I felt very distant from the people at home. Though my parents haven't physically changed much in that time, I can hardly recognize them based on their actions. Certain traits of theirs that had been subdued for years have been greatly exaggerated in the past three months.
That is the feeling that resonated with me most over the break: distance. I was "at home," the home that I was born and raised in. Yet, I did not feel at home. I was surrounded by family and friends. Yet, for the most part, I felt like the outsider looking in. I simply couldn't develop a bond at the same level of intimacy that I had achieved before coming to college. With the exception of two friends from high school, who I've spoken more to since leaving for college than I ever had when I was living minutes away from them, I felt like I was unable to properly connect with anyone from my home life. However, I didn't feel bad (mostly) because of it, instead I felt rather indifferent, just a little uncomfortable at most. I can only hope that means that I am moving in a forward direction in my life.

When Are You Really an Adult?

              I think one of the most interesting aspects of this article, is that it confirms something I’ve suspected but have never been able to verbalize: emerging adulthood exists in multiple forms, or it doesn’t exist at all. I think I agree most with the critical perspective offered on the left column of the last page: “if emerging adulthood can be many things, then it is nothing in particular.” Of course, there is no set path for people once they have finished high school, but the fact that there are so many different paths and routes to the abstract concept of “adulthood,” and all take varying amount of times, the idea of “emerging adulthood” seems to me that it has been generalizes almost to the point that it is useless.

              An aspect of this article, and our unit, that needs to be expanded on is the history of emerging adulthood. Sheehy presented the idea that advancements in modern medicine and overall quality of life improvements due to industrialization have led to longer life-spans, and as a result, more life stages. However, the idea presented in this article, is that emerging adulthood has always existed, except for the Baby Boomer generation which experienced an anomaly due to a massive economic boom. Sheehy also argued that completion of passages is determined internally, however this article mentions that many people found the promotion to adult to coincide with the birth of their first child. This seems like too big of a coincidence, and I would argue that it shows evidence that completion of a passage into adulthood may be external, or at least more external than Sheehy presented.

Emerging Adulthood

This essay is very interesting as it is a strong insight into the concept of "emerging adulthood" that we have discussed in class, as has been touched upon in Gail Sheehy's Passages. The author of this essay explains many aspects of emerging adulthood that seem to be common knowledge and second nature to us now, but at the time of its publishing, nearly two decades ago, was probably not so widely accepted.
I think that is where this essay starts to show its age. The world has evolved rapidly over the past few decades, and as a result, so have the stages of development, including emerging adulthood. I think the concept of emerging adulthood could benefit from receiving more contemporary published essays. Even so, the trends that the author mentioned - more people finishing high school, going into higher education, waiting longer to get married and have children - all seem to have continued and have even escalated since this essay was published.

The Urge to Merge

I’ve recently considered the concept that Sheehy describes as “The Urge to Merge,” as I believe most people around my age have. I hold the controversial opinion, however, that “merging” is a non-essential aspect of human life. Though many people choose to do it, I believe that a large portion of the population that finds themselves in long-term relationships would be happier if they weren’t in one. People are very malleable, and I think the reason many people seek a “merger” to another person, is because it is a path that is defined before them; it is a common thing to do.

It is slightly foreshadowed in this section of the book, but more and more, people are less likely to get married. The people that are getting married are getting married later and chose to have fewer children. It seems as if my belief on the matter is gaining traction and increasing in popularity.

That being said, after reading this section of the book, I enjoyed how Sheehy broke down each type of marriage that could be had (“complete-me,” “jailbreak,” etc.), but I feel that Sheehy disregards what I think would be the most common type: a loving marriage. After all, I thought that was the whole purpose of marriage, yet Sheehy describes almost every conceivable type of marital bond, and she fails to mention the most basic example. With every woman mentioned in this section, it seems that they have only paired off with a man temporarily, and for their own personal gain.

My question for the class, do you think these types of marriages that Sheehy describes are accurate, or is there actual love to be had in the world?

The Breakfast Club

I think The Breakfast Club is a good movie depicting adolescence, but it is far from timeless, and increasingly it suffers from the era it was produced in. The movie is a nice story in essence: five unknowing and unassuming high school students find themselves together through a series of separate events. Despite the fact that they all come from different social circles, they find it easy to relate to one another and become friends. Perhaps that story may have believable at the time, I find it difficult to suspend my disbelief, having updated information about the behavior of high school students. Most that I’ve interacted with, myself included, would be very unlikely to step outside themselves for long enough to form a bond with their peers. The most believable aspect about the whole story to me, is that by the end of the detention, and Monday in school, everyone will go back to their same routines, almost as if they are disregarding their weekend experience.

Though the movie’s theme of acceptance of oneself is still, and will always be, relevant, the other aspects of the film really become too unbelievable to hold my interest. After the rampant verbal and sexual abuse that Bender throws at Claire, she still falls for him in the end. All that a compulsively-lying kleptomaniac needed to be noticed by a jock was a makeover. At first, the film that tried to break-down high school expectations falls right back into the most basic of cliches (though to it’s credit, the film was probably popular enough to start a few cliches of its own).

If I'm Late Start the Crisis Without Me

I have never really considered the concept of a moratorium, but thinking about it now, it makes sense. A choice of a gap year, or a semester/year off here or there all boil down to be caused by the same root desire: to postpone. In the professional world, one will often hear the adage “time is money.” By extension, if you are wasting time (not pursuing education/being employed), then you are wasting money, and as the next adage goes, “money makes the world go ‘round.” There is such a hyper-focus on society about hitting the ground running, first one out of the gate, with the hope that the first one out will be the first one back. I think, from reading Sheehy’s description on the late-adolescence/early-adulthood crisis, that it contains the same principle as “The Tortoise and the Hare.” Slow and steady can win the development race, and often it can be much less vitriolic than it would have been otherwise.

I think it is fascinating that the different types of identity development can be broken down into four separate and distinct different categories. I think I fall somewhere between the moratorium and identity-achieved group, but with a much heavier lean towards the achieved. I have suffered through a turbulent crisis recently, one that is currently ongoing even, but one in which I believe to be nearing an end. Regardless, it has largely shaped how I view myself and others in the world.

The question I have is: do you agree with Sheehy, that crisis and turmoil is inevitable and essential for long-term development?