The Urge to Merge

I’ve recently considered the concept that Sheehy describes as “The Urge to Merge,” as I believe most people around my age have. I hold the controversial opinion, however, that “merging” is a non-essential aspect of human life. Though many people choose to do it, I believe that a large portion of the population that finds themselves in long-term relationships would be happier if they weren’t in one. People are very malleable, and I think the reason many people seek a “merger” to another person, is because it is a path that is defined before them; it is a common thing to do.

It is slightly foreshadowed in this section of the book, but more and more, people are less likely to get married. The people that are getting married are getting married later and chose to have fewer children. It seems as if my belief on the matter is gaining traction and increasing in popularity.

That being said, after reading this section of the book, I enjoyed how Sheehy broke down each type of marriage that could be had (“complete-me,” “jailbreak,” etc.), but I feel that Sheehy disregards what I think would be the most common type: a loving marriage. After all, I thought that was the whole purpose of marriage, yet Sheehy describes almost every conceivable type of marital bond, and she fails to mention the most basic example. With every woman mentioned in this section, it seems that they have only paired off with a man temporarily, and for their own personal gain.

My question for the class, do you think these types of marriages that Sheehy describes are accurate, or is there actual love to be had in the world?