Emerging Adulthood

This essay is very interesting as it is a strong insight into the concept of "emerging adulthood" that we have discussed in class, as has been touched upon in Gail Sheehy's Passages. The author of this essay explains many aspects of emerging adulthood that seem to be common knowledge and second nature to us now, but at the time of its publishing, nearly two decades ago, was probably not so widely accepted.
I think that is where this essay starts to show its age. The world has evolved rapidly over the past few decades, and as a result, so have the stages of development, including emerging adulthood. I think the concept of emerging adulthood could benefit from receiving more contemporary published essays. Even so, the trends that the author mentioned - more people finishing high school, going into higher education, waiting longer to get married and have children - all seem to have continued and have even escalated since this essay was published.

The Urge to Merge

I’ve recently considered the concept that Sheehy describes as “The Urge to Merge,” as I believe most people around my age have. I hold the controversial opinion, however, that “merging” is a non-essential aspect of human life. Though many people choose to do it, I believe that a large portion of the population that finds themselves in long-term relationships would be happier if they weren’t in one. People are very malleable, and I think the reason many people seek a “merger” to another person, is because it is a path that is defined before them; it is a common thing to do.

It is slightly foreshadowed in this section of the book, but more and more, people are less likely to get married. The people that are getting married are getting married later and chose to have fewer children. It seems as if my belief on the matter is gaining traction and increasing in popularity.

That being said, after reading this section of the book, I enjoyed how Sheehy broke down each type of marriage that could be had (“complete-me,” “jailbreak,” etc.), but I feel that Sheehy disregards what I think would be the most common type: a loving marriage. After all, I thought that was the whole purpose of marriage, yet Sheehy describes almost every conceivable type of marital bond, and she fails to mention the most basic example. With every woman mentioned in this section, it seems that they have only paired off with a man temporarily, and for their own personal gain.

My question for the class, do you think these types of marriages that Sheehy describes are accurate, or is there actual love to be had in the world?

The Breakfast Club

I think The Breakfast Club is a good movie depicting adolescence, but it is far from timeless, and increasingly it suffers from the era it was produced in. The movie is a nice story in essence: five unknowing and unassuming high school students find themselves together through a series of separate events. Despite the fact that they all come from different social circles, they find it easy to relate to one another and become friends. Perhaps that story may have believable at the time, I find it difficult to suspend my disbelief, having updated information about the behavior of high school students. Most that I’ve interacted with, myself included, would be very unlikely to step outside themselves for long enough to form a bond with their peers. The most believable aspect about the whole story to me, is that by the end of the detention, and Monday in school, everyone will go back to their same routines, almost as if they are disregarding their weekend experience.

Though the movie’s theme of acceptance of oneself is still, and will always be, relevant, the other aspects of the film really become too unbelievable to hold my interest. After the rampant verbal and sexual abuse that Bender throws at Claire, she still falls for him in the end. All that a compulsively-lying kleptomaniac needed to be noticed by a jock was a makeover. At first, the film that tried to break-down high school expectations falls right back into the most basic of cliches (though to it’s credit, the film was probably popular enough to start a few cliches of its own).

If I'm Late Start the Crisis Without Me

I have never really considered the concept of a moratorium, but thinking about it now, it makes sense. A choice of a gap year, or a semester/year off here or there all boil down to be caused by the same root desire: to postpone. In the professional world, one will often hear the adage “time is money.” By extension, if you are wasting time (not pursuing education/being employed), then you are wasting money, and as the next adage goes, “money makes the world go ‘round.” There is such a hyper-focus on society about hitting the ground running, first one out of the gate, with the hope that the first one out will be the first one back. I think, from reading Sheehy’s description on the late-adolescence/early-adulthood crisis, that it contains the same principle as “The Tortoise and the Hare.” Slow and steady can win the development race, and often it can be much less vitriolic than it would have been otherwise.

I think it is fascinating that the different types of identity development can be broken down into four separate and distinct different categories. I think I fall somewhere between the moratorium and identity-achieved group, but with a much heavier lean towards the achieved. I have suffered through a turbulent crisis recently, one that is currently ongoing even, but one in which I believe to be nearing an end. Regardless, it has largely shaped how I view myself and others in the world.

The question I have is: do you agree with Sheehy, that crisis and turmoil is inevitable and essential for long-term development?

Playing it to the Bust

I think the most interesting aspect of this chapter, is the reference to how young people, children and adolescents, look to define themselves through the use of idealized role models. People see themselves through identities, and often, those identities may be assigned to us by or chosen from how we view our role models.I think it is fascinating that Dennis was able to create a role model for himself, which was created from an amalgam of his mother and the youth leader, Chuck. I also appreciate the fact that Dennis is willing to ‘pay it forward:’ he had a very influential youth leader earlier in his life, and as a result he has pursued a job as a youth leader, in an attempt to inspire young people the same way Chuck inspired him.

Something I can relate to from this section, is the era of de-idealizing our role-models, whether it be our parents or otherwise. I am at a point in my life where I am becoming rapidly disillusioned of the reality of my situation and upbringing, and understanding that the people I once put on a pedestal are actually flawed, imperfect human beings. It is this realization that has pushed me to strive to be better than the people I used to look up to. Their roles in my life were important at the time I needed them, but now it is time for myself to mature, become independent, and move on.

I would like to see the class discuss the concept of disillusion, specifically in the sense that one learns to divide themselves from their role models.

From Breast to Breakaway

              What I found the most interesting about this reading, is Sheehy’s description of the Merger Self, the Seeker Self, and the constant struggle for balance between the two. In the past, I have heard theories about ego development that may have included one of these concepts, but I have never heard the two coexist, and in an endless battle nonetheless. I think that personally, I let my “seeker self” win out more often, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with a skew in one direction or the other. I think issues would probably arise if you only committed to and followed one though, like Donald Babcock did, because then you will stunt your own development.

              Another concept I found very interesting was the idea of the inner custodian – or phantom parent. When you think about it, parenting is downloading a version of your morals into the head of your child, and over time the child will eventually learn more and develop more and override certain lessons that the parent has taught them with lessons of their own experience. The whole notion makes sense, it’s just something I’ve never thought of before. It’s as if every time you look both ways before crossing a street, you have a direct bond to your parent and guardian. It’s cool.

              I would like to see the class further discuss the concepts of seeker self, merger self, and the inner custodian.

Ready or Not

              I disagree with Sheehy’s notion that “crises,” under the Erikson definition, are “inner impulses.” I don’t believe that the major life stages that Sheehy describes are at all related to our biological makeup, but are rather imposed entirely by the society in which we live. To back up my claim, I will use myself as an example.

              Personally, “ready or not” is a phrase that perfectly encapsulates my initial thought of college. At the end of high school, some major change was going to happen, whether it be college, or full-time employment. Those were the options I was presented with, whether I was ready or not to take either one. I chose college because I thought it could benefit me more in the long term. However, my choice that I was going to attend college meant in no terms that I thought I was ready to attend college. In fact, in my head, I didn’t believe I was ready up until I was actually here, and I still don’t believe I am to some degree.

              I know myself better than anyone. I was never going to be “ready” for college. I am here now. I have developed and changed in many different ways since I have been in college. One could argue that I have underwent, or am still currently undergoing, one of Sheehy’s “crises.” But to think that such a change or development was internally motivated is asinine. If I were still at home right now, there is no doubt in my mind that I would still be the same person that I was before I left. I’ve only adapted because an external force (moving to college) has pushed me to adapt.

Predictable Crises of Adulthood

              I think one of the most interesting things about this section is how Sheehy presented the interviews from the two couples. As I believe her intention was, I thought that couple A was the older couple while couple B was the younger couple, and I was shocked when I learned that my belief was mistaken. Though both interviews said relatively the same thing, there was just something about how each entry was written to cause me to mistake the identity of each couple. I do wonder though if this had been altered at all or if the words written were the words spoken verbatim. Also, how many couples did she ask these questions to? A sample size of two is far too small to draw any conclusions from.

              Another interesting point that Sheehy brings up is that passages are internally motivated from people evolving, rather than environmental factors changing causing people to evolve. I don’t know if I necessarily agree with this. Sheehy does mention in her outline of the passages that societal pressure does exist, but I wonder if we lived in a completely different society with different morals, or perhaps outside of a society altogether, if the passages would remain the same. I don’t think so, which causes me to believe that the life passages are externally motivated.

That is what I want the class to discuss: whether or not passages are truly internally motivated.

Passages Blog 1

              I think this book is interesting so far, because it seems to maintain relevance for decades after it has been published. If anything, because the average life expectancy has increased, the book has gained relevance, as people are living longer and thus have more time to develop through new ‘passages.’ I appreciate that the author has tried to define what seems undefinable at first glance. We are taught growing up that children are constantly developing, but once you hit a certain age, somewhere around early to mid-20s, that’s it. Almost as if people become old dogs that cannot learn new tricks. First recognizing, and then trying to categorize new stages in modern life seems revolutionary to me.

              I closely identified with the feeling that there is more to life in adulthood. People are constantly evolving daily, and I have always feared there would come a time where I became comfortable and docile. I like being inquisitive and curious and I hope to be that way throughout life. I like the circle of knowledge metaphor to describe learning, as a species, but also individually, and I hope that for as long as I live, my circle keeps growing.

Discussion Questions:

-What do you think it means to be an “adult?”

-What do you think the stages of life development are? Is anyone ever finished developing?