It is hard to truly encapsulate what feels different using only words. In fact, it would be much simpler to describe the few things that felt similar; the list would be much shorter. Due to a certain course of events, the people at home and my relationships with them have all changed drastically in the past three months since I initially left for college. That, in conjunction with the fact that I have been absent from the home for a few months, meant that I felt very distant from the people at home. Though my parents haven't physically changed much in that time, I can hardly recognize them based on their actions. Certain traits of theirs that had been subdued for years have been greatly exaggerated in the past three months.
That is the feeling that resonated with me most over the break: distance. I was "at home," the home that I was born and raised in. Yet, I did not feel at home. I was surrounded by family and friends. Yet, for the most part, I felt like the outsider looking in. I simply couldn't develop a bond at the same level of intimacy that I had achieved before coming to college. With the exception of two friends from high school, who I've spoken more to since leaving for college than I ever had when I was living minutes away from them, I felt like I was unable to properly connect with anyone from my home life. However, I didn't feel bad (mostly) because of it, instead I felt rather indifferent, just a little uncomfortable at most. I can only hope that means that I am moving in a forward direction in my life.
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