I
had always considered myself as static, unchanging. Since before I even entered
high school, I had a good idea of who I was, what I liked, and what I
ultimately wanted. I felt like I had a certain level of maturity, more so than
that of most of my peers. I thought I had most of my life mapped out. That was
until, I began thinking of college.
College
was a distant and abstract concept to me. I couldn’t possibly imagine leaving
my home and going to somewhere completely new, where I knew no one and nobody
knew me. In September of my senior year of high school, I realized I had no
idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. Perhaps impulsively, I
settled on studying computer science at Ithaca. Likely a coincidence, or to the
praise of my ability of subconscious observation, Ithaca served as a perfect
middle ground between what I wanted to study and pursue professionally (computer
science), and my favorite pastime (making music). In that regard, I may have
lucked out in going to Ithaca.
I
have always been a good student, and my grades were satisfactory throughout
most of high school without much effort. However, by all accounts, I had been
assured that college was exponentially more difficult. I wasn’t really sure
what to anticipate as far as workload, and I was hesitant to pick ‘difficult’
classes before ever gauging my ability in a college-level class. I erred on the
side of caution and only chose classes that I felt confident I’d be able to
handle.
The
first semester of college was a liberating experience. I have never felt so
independent and free in my life. Every day, every hour, every minute was my own
time, and it was my choice how I could spend it. It was almost scary, actually.
Academically,
I think I have evolved in a very positive direction. I am much more conscientious
about my grades, upcoming exams, and overall workload now than I ever was
during high school. Before, I relied on my own wit and a lot of luck to
guarantee good grades; it was much easier to ‘cheat’ the system. Maybe it is
because I am too early in the college experience, but it appears as if there is
no ‘easy’ way to get by in college. In order for one to succeed they must work
hard and apply themselves, something I rarely did during high school. However,
I am also much more motivated to learn. High school was mandatory, everyone
went, and I received a very generalized education. College and specifically
what college and where, was my choice. The things I learn now are the things
that are really going to help me once I enter my career. I am learning the real
base here, the base of which everything else will be later built upon.
Ideologically,
I think I am still very similar to how I was in high school, especially towards
the end. I’ve always been a very open-minded person, waiting to understand the
facts before forming an opinion. I also see no shame in changing an opinion as
one grows older, wiser, and learns new information. From my understanding, many
people come to these realizations in college, I guess I am just advanced in
that regard. However, being in college gave me a glimpse of what it will be
like once I am an autonomous adult: it will be wonderful. I can have free reign
to choose the way I want to live my life. For the first time in a long time, I
was comfortable.
In
the time since I left for college, things changed at home, some events coerced
by my absence, and some due to the plain passage of time. Over the breaks, when
I would be at my house, I realized that I felt less at home there than I did at
school. I don’t think I’ve really changed much as a person, more so I’ve
glimpsed what could be, and I’ve come to the understanding that I am a
fundamentally different person than my parents. When I am on my own, I will
live my life in stark contrast to how my parents choose to live, or at least to
how they have lived for all of my memory. I am much closer to ‘actualization’
than ever before and it feels good.
